Depth with edge. Early man had to learn to duck and dodge his enemies in battle, for instance, so it should come naturally for a husband to duck and dodge his wifes unreasonable tongue-lashing. You just go away for a day and do things that you love to do, and if you want you can give me a call, and Ill get a babysitter and come visit you at a hotel room., John Gray: It was a very sweet time of our lives and I remember it very clearly. Why women experience automatic negative thoughts when they are in their masculine rather than feminine self. I feel like you get what you want and I get seconds. Its the hormone that lowers stress for women. Bonnie: Of course you do. (Photo by Acey Harper/Getty Images). The problem is that she has feelings that prevent her from having a fact-based conversation about the computer and other household needs. It makes you feel alive. WishingWell, Inc is a non-profit 501 (C) 3 parent of HealCircle, HealthierPodcast, HealCircle, HealerPedia and HealthBootcamps brands. That was most of their day, and that is what brought them their fulfillment and then the guy was whip cream. When you do that, she can share her emotions in a more positive way. I disagree with nearly everything in them, with one exception. One. During this interview, he offers some advice to those dealing with If a woman is stressed, holding space for her means hearing what she has to say and providing a particular kind of loving support. That is all a good thing in terms of equal opportunity. Then we have a gift to encourage you! These roles that men and women have had, to various degrees, had pretty much stayed the same for thousands of years. It was men hanging out. Ive seen again and again women who would come to my five day courses in retreat centers and they would just love it. For the past 25 years, John has worked in manufacturing and facility maintenance, and he is now a facilities manager overseeing over 2.8 million square feet. John helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships. Unfortunately, the way Gray says things is only going to work for about 10% of the male population, and only because most of them are gay. John Gray: It magnifies it dramatically, and it makes you more dependent on each other. To me its not offensive at all. Gray married self-help author Barbara De Angelis. Learn how your comment data is processed. so . This website is not intended to create a physician-patient relationship between you and HealCircle or its practitioners. As a real estate investor, John also owns an LLC company. Gray married self-help author Barbara De Angelis and they divorced in 1984, after which he re-evaluated his ideas about relationships. My jobs much easier then. Maybe I am mad that you want so much more than me. For your testosterone level to stay that high, you have to feel confident that you are loved. There is a solution, however. Streamline your workflow with our best-in-class digital asset management system. So thats how this round ends with a woman like Bonnie. WebJohn Gray lives in Northern California with his wife of 26 years, Bonnie. Heart disease in men is owing to low testosterone. ), Bonnie: Have you researched the market? I noticed where she shifted and was consciously doing that. I think its probably one of the unique characteristics of the book. HealCircle is a platform for doctors to offer actionable affordable health programs. Streamline your workflow with our best-in-class digital asset management system. John ducks and dodges while she unloads her feelings, then initiates reconciliation when the time is right. By Allison Kugel, Senior Editor - July 15, 2010, Reproduction without explicit written permission is prohibited. I didnt bother him, and he came out an hour later in a good mood. That was the easy response. The key is not to ignore the feelings, but share them with people who are not the target of feelings. And it isnt always rope-a-dope. That was good for me and it was good for her. A Feminist wrote a book called, Men Are Just Desserts. PR.com: Ive heard a lot of these stories from women I know; young women in their twenties and early thirties. Yes, we clearly got a couple of good ones, and I know you were being self-congratulatory in a jokey way, but we are with Kathie and Bette out of choice, not providence. I was just counseling a woman today and she is a very unhappy woman because her husband is emotionally unavailable, and not affectionate. For that reason, Bonnie Gray, as she appears in the Mars/Venus books, comes off as petulant and unreasonable. Dr. Grays books are translated into approximately 45 languages in more than 100 countries and continues to be a bestseller. Get personalized pricing by telling us when, John Gray: It is missing and it needs to be created more and more. He would protect them and he would help fix things when they break, and he was kind of the emergency man (a term Gray refers to in his book). Very little more was expected of him. I re-wrote it and used the original title that I wanted to begin with, which was Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Always get your needs met, without feelingneedy. How much is this computer going to cost? I just dealt with a whole bunch of couples like that this weekend. They just need to know what to do. Theres the guy who just likes girls and also has male friends. I MUCH prefer the earlier title of this book: His point in this book is that we dont know what we need to know because our parents didnt tell us and they didnt tell us because we are living a life that would have mystified them entirely. I really want to understand your feelings and it really is hard for me. Once this is established, understanding and respecting the differences between you and your partner becomes easier, communication flows, and intimacy flourishes. Thats what she should have done in the buying the computer scenario. 2023 Getty Images. This is a PR.com Article, not a, 5 Steps to Jumpstart Your Social Media Strategy, Kevin Jonas & Wife Danielle Talk "Married to Jonas," Keeping It Real & How He Got the Girl, Meghan McCain Talks Life on the Road as a Socially Liberal Republican, Kathy Hilton on Family, Fashion & Her New Collection of Special Occasion Dresses, Henry Louis Gates, Jr. Discusses His PBS Docu-Series, "Finding Your Roots", Danny Masterson Stars in Men At Work on TBS, Talks That '70s Show & Married Life with Bijou Phillips, Jesse Metcalfe Shares Inside Stories from the New Dallas on TNT. How do they find their way back to each other under these circumstances? (Photo by Acey Harper/Getty Images) PURCHASE A LICENSE Get personalized pricing by telling us when, where, and how you want to use this asset. Women need caring, understanding, respect, and reassurance. We have been waiting six months to redo our floor. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Collect, curate and comment on your files. Millionen hochwertiger Bilder, Videos und Musiktracks warten auf Sie. We are naturally drawn to situations that help us cope with stress. So whatever Bonnie Gray is actually like, in the books, she needs to seem petulant and unreasonable. Then, she comes home to her partner who is safer than the rest of the world and those negative emotions all come up and overreact on him. In hardcover, it was the #1 best selling book of the 1990s. John Gray: Both things are going on simultaneously. They have been happily married for over 30 years and have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. When I want something, it doesnt seem so important. USA Today listed his book as one of the top 10 most influential books of the last quarter-century. And so is Bette, although if I did let it slip and act like that, she would say, Thats not like you at all. Little does she know. Connection. John Gray: In my personal life, I had been married to Bonnie (Grays wife of twenty-five years) for seven years, we had a family and we lived very happily together. Four. His many books, blogs, and free online workshops at MarsVenus.com provide practical insights to improve relationships at all stages of life and love. Why going out of one's comfort zone through action and behavior will help raise your testosterone levels. The power of listening and telling your partner, Help me understand that better, when they're emotional and, Why the only way to grow is to get out of your, Why a man's testosterone will actually go up when he listens to and helps his partner release and, The four emotions that will both release negativity very quickly and raise. We dont seem to be able to enjoy that same female camaraderie that women did decades ago, like at the turn of the twentieth century. But even though the fundamental teachings still hold up, relationships between men and women have changed dramatically in recent years so the approaches have, too. Its just a feeling. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. (She persisted, not answering my question.). Learning how to deal with stress is the key to heart health. I just need to talk for a while and feel that you care. In saying that, Bonnie not only prepares John for the ducking and dodging he is going to have to do, but also apologizes in advance for whatever she may say that is offensive or mean-spirited. The key to any communication is to start with the phrase- this is not a big deal, just take it into consideration. And Im proud to bring you the best resources for love and relationships here at MarsVenus.com. . The solution is that John ducks and dodges long enough (he was getting close to the edge there at the end) that Bonnie gets the feelings out; she appreciates his listening to her; the emotional relationship is restored; and, eventually, the household purchases will be decided upon. Das Getty Images Design ist eine eingetragene Marke von Getty Images. Click here for our founders Free Health Journal. Your email address will not be published. But speaking as a woman, when I read in your book how women really need that female bonding and camaraderie, and how they spent all day bonding with other women many decades ago, I was picturing an old fashioned sewing circle. Ill still forget to do stuff, but my wife just simply asks me to do it again. Once women are on their independent side, they tend to always see what's wrong with you which means they don't trust you which makes it even harder for them to go to their female side and share emotions in a more positive way. Dr. John Gray. It was all of these oxytocin stimulating activities like massage and spas. He talked to all his friends and everyone told him to end it. Liked what you heard? PR.com: How can a couple break the cycle where anger and resentment builds up, so their sex life dies, and the lack of sex creates further tension and drives them further apart? He was an Associate Pastor to Dr. John MacArthur at Grace Community Church for five years overseeing the Shepherding Ministries. If a woman is stressed, holding space for her means hearing what she has to say and providing a particular kind of loving support. It is to marry a woman with dual citizenship and both of us have chosen that solution. John and Bonnie Gray, Just Doin TheirJobs. When women are under stress their brains tend to speed up, and mens tend to slow down. Then, that gives rise to misunderstanding. Bonnie needs to say how she feels and it isnt going to be pretty. High cortisol inhibits digestion, immune system and can cause high blood pressure. PR.com: In todays world many women, myself included, feel that other women can be petty or competitive. Why porn will raise a man's testosterone but then lower it dramatically as their estrogen levels increase which isn't healthy for them. The problem is that she has feelings that prevent her from having a fact-based conversation about the computer and other household needs. For men, anytime they do something difficult. Bonnie is Johns wife and in his books, she needs to act in ways that If she was looking for me to do everything to make her happy, then she would always be unhappy. We dont want to do it all. Access the best of Getty Images with our simple subscription plan. He has been profiled in Time, Forbes, USA Today, and People. WebAuthor John Gray & his wife Bonnie lying on a hammock in their backyard. Read More On The Sun . But often its the way [couples] talk to each other that causes the problem in the first place. Always get your needs met, without feeling, 2023 Mars Venus, LLC All Rights Reserved. But to simply put it, testosterone is the hormone of sex for men, and oxytocin is the hormone of sex for women. Your friend is having a problem with their spouse, and you listen to them and empathize with them, but most people dont understand that your friend also has a part in that process. What is the core of women? Im going to a mens group meeting tonight. She did it in a condescending way, but the irony is, as a man, I was complimented by it. A most contributing factor to heart disease in men is testosterone. Many die of heart attack with no plaque and 50% who die of a heart attack have normal cholesterol. Note the singular and plural problems in that sentence so I can ask you about them when we remember. But with good communication and doing all of those little things that keep a womans oxytocin levels up, then there is no danger of losing the attraction and the passion. For thousands of years your workflow with our simple subscription plan ist eine eingetragene Marke Getty... I just need to talk for a while and feel that you are.... 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