The offers that appear in this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind receives compensation. In this podcast (episode #314) and blog, I talk about how over-explaining and over-sharing can be trauma responses, and how they impact the way we function. Not allowing the other person to share their hardships. Since we respect your right to privacy, you can choose not to permit data collection from certain types of services. I am trying to anticipate and meet my needs in advance. And your tendency to self-disclose detailed information may be interpreted as attention-seeking regardless of the reason. Just talking or venting is not a good replacement for the therapeutic process. The pep talk you gave yourself on the drive over didn’t work. By oversharing, many find a sense of safety and support as they alleviate their own distress. Active listening includes paying attention, giving your undivided attention, and providing feedback as a mindful comment or question. To learn more about how to manage your mental health and help others, join me at our 7th Annual Mental Health Solutions Retreat, December 2-4, 2021! Am I trying to have a need met by sharing this information? Being open and honest with people gives them a chance to actually get to know me on a more intimate level, which can foster a more meaningful relationship. After all, vulnerability connects us and deepens our relationships as we relate to our shared human experiences. Over-explaining means describing something to an excessive degree, whereas oversharing is the disclosure of an inappropriate amount of information and detail about your personal life. Displacement – this is when you direct your negative emotions or thoughts at someone or something else, instead of addressing the real source of the problem. Sometimes it signals a bad habit. Before contacting them, ask yourself what your motivations and goals are for discussing the trauma with them. By making sense of our varied trauma responses, Charissa invites us to heal and live life to the brim. It could also be that you are a chattier person, especially when you feel you can contribute to the situation, and, once stimulated, you talk too much. I decided to speak about this topic because of the many responses I got to a social media post I recently put up: “Over-explaining is a common trauma response for those who were often made to feel at fault as a child. Oversharing can be beneficial for people who are processing their trauma, but it also has risks. By oversharing, people may avoid confronting their deeper issues, forming unhealthy relationships, or even enabling others’ exploitative behavior. This type of sharing can be emotionally draining for all parties involved and often overwhelms the support person. Believe it or not, that’s actually what matters most. One key step is to be mindful of the conversations you are having and the information you are sharing. Codependent people tend to get too close, too fast. So in what feels like the blink of an eye, I have detonated the entire contents of my bag around the whole room, where I will hop-scotch around them until the dreaded moment when I am forced to pack it all up. For some people, oversharing can help them cope with difficult experiences or difficult emotions by providing the catharsis and attention they are looking for. I decided to speak about this topic because of the many responses I got to a social media post I recently put up: "Over-explaining is a common trauma response for those who were often made to feel at fault as a child. Some disorders that may include oversharing include borderline personality disorder, anxiety, or co-dependency. In terms of BPD in particular, individuals who struggle with oversharing in emotional outbursts are more likely to release very intimate details without considering the consequences. When faced with chronic, overwhelming stress or severe trauma, our brain deals either by shutting down shock or losing self-control if there are no other types of healthy coping mechanisms in a person’s wheelhouse. People who have gone through a traumatic experience often have difficulty with emotional regulation and may become overwhelmed by their intense emotions. To be an authentic person, what you say you and what you. Try journaling your thoughts and reading out loud what you have written down. You may see over-explaining as a way to be honest or to boost another person’s emotional state. Most people are compassionate and will show sympathy. Trauma is a strong emotional response to an overwhelming event or experience, and can have long-term psychological effects. The willingness tied to vulnerability is in the context of a situation or relationship where personal information has been shared safely - to help understand a person's struggle and help others feel less alone. You might be doing this to keep yourself safe, which could be a sign that you have a toxic thought tree that is dominating your thinking, and the root system is some sort of abusive relationship that happened in your past. In attempting to protect ourselves from exposure, we may instead find ourselves feeling completely exposed. 2. Chime. In addition to the verbal response to trauma, there are several physiological responses, including changes in blood glucose and hormone levels, similar to the flight or fight physiological response. Always go straight to the point and do not waste time saying irrelevant things. It often backfires when I choose unsafe people. Oversharing can reveal weaknesses or vulnerabilities that an unkind person may try to exploit. It allows us to be present and mindful of our environment. Manage Settings It is often triggered and can be linked to more severe consequences. Learning to identify and manage triggers can help some individuals with BPD find healthier ways to cope with and regulate their emotions. It is also important for people to practice self-care. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. she freaking ingrained that fear into me. This inclusive blog is designed to provide a wealth of information and resources for mental health, relationships, and sexuality. There are people who might not be ready or deserve to be granted access to your story and won’t be able to hold space for it the way others in your life can. This is because the cashier is likely a perfect stranger and they have just shared some intense personal information with you that you probably were not prepared for. However, there are a few definite signs of oversharing, including: If you notice, many of your conversations may include inappropriate information or intimate details. Plus, my listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months. “Some people may feel the need to share about traumatic experiences to a friend, family member, coworker, or acquaintance, but may not always fully grasp the severity or intensity of what they are about to share,” Brittany Becker, LMHC, director at The Dorm, tells Verywell. So how do we balance self-compassion and growth in our oversharing hangovers? That is oversharing/trauma dumping and not respecting boundaries: telling someone highly sensitive and personal information before they know you as a person. Oversharers may seek attention, sympathy, or want to play the victim. This verbal ineffectiveness leads to unnecessary detail or extended conversations. They’ve had to. Read our privacy policy for more details. However, it remains unclear whether that is due to age or a combination of other factors, such as stress or loneliness. “Trauma dumping refers to the oversharing of difficult emotions and thoughts with others,” Dr. Prewitt explains. Oversharers babble. Oversharing can also be a subconscious way for us to meet a need or to protect ourselves. This podcast and blog is for educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. The term trauma dumping garnered significant attention when a viral TikTok featuring a mental health professional started being mass shared throughout social media. It is important for people who have experienced trauma to find a way to share their story or experiences that feels comfortable and safe. And it feels terrible. You want to be selective about the information you share to keep yourself safe. Being around people may cause a feeling of apprehension and cause you to ramble about yourself. Why It Happens and What to Do, The Essential Checklist Of 65 Tough Relationship Questions Every Couple Should Ask, 15+ Surprising Signs Your Marriage May Be Heading for Divorce. And it feels terrible. San Francisco​, CA​, 94104​, Website Created By Alpha Theory Marketing. Moffa says those who trauma dump are usually people who feel alone and want to feel heard and validated, “but who also wind up isolating themselves further because they dump on people without…awareness, which in turn, creates more of a chasm for them. When we overshare we can offer ourselves compassion while simultaneously learning how to better protect ourselves in the future. (I discuss this in detail in my book Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess, my app Neurocycle and in my recent clinical trials.). By clicking “Accept All Cookies”, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. Beyond Blue: https://www . if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'coalitionbrewing_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',154,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-coalitionbrewing_com-leader-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'coalitionbrewing_com-leader-2','ezslot_14',154,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-coalitionbrewing_com-leader-2-0_1');.leader-2-multi-154{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}Oversharing typically has its roots in a lack of boundaries—the emotional and physical lines we draw to separate ourselves from others and establish autonomy. 03 Jun 2023 16:35:45 Conversations are not monologues. Different persons with BPD have different levels of disclosure and oversharing and everyone is affected differently. Oversharing can look like venting, expressing intense feelings, describing intense emotions, providing too much information, or behaving impulsively or irrationally. Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing event that can have long-lasting effects on an individual's emotional, psychological, and physical well-being. Operate from that place today, not the timeout of shame you’ve put yourself in. Projection – this is when you attribute your own undesirable thoughts and feelings onto another person. Trauma-based oversharing is a form of unhealthy coping practice and is often seen on social media, where individuals can play the victim or garner immediate support. Policy. Banking services provided by, and debit card issued by The Bancorp Bank or Stride Bank, N.A., Members FDIC. Trauma Dumping on Social Media. Moffa suggests journaling or letter-writing, “which allows your brain to process the story you’re telling yourself in a potentially new way.”. However, if you feel like you have been through or are currently going through something that is making you feel overwhelmed, scared, and powerless, you may be struggling with traumatic stress. “The harm in trauma dumping is that it often crosses the listener’s boundaries. Your first instinct is probably to call a friend or turn to your coworker in the next cubicle for a quick venting session. Offering someone a drink or helping them with their seat will keep you busy, increase positive interactions, and reduce the opportunities for oversharing. Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares how to set boundaries in a healthy way and the mistakes that are best to avoid when you begin to establish those boundaries. That’s how you’ve survived. For more on this check out my. 5. Or someone may feel the need to share everything or shockingly intimate things to ensure they are heard. According to Brene Brown, researcher and author, a vulnerability hangover is a profound feeling of guilt, shame, and embarrassment one can feel after sharing vulnerable information, such as trauma. And who doesn’t need that? Learn how to dress for any occasion. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. It's part of how I have dealt with stress by fawning over someone and hoping they'll then refrain from hurting me. When a person experiences a traumatic event or ongoing trauma, Becker says they might compartmentalize or create distance from the events in order to protect themselves and function in their day-to-day life. They may be emotionally needy or lack boundaries. Yes, oversharing can be a trauma response. For example, you might say the following to a loved one who’s trauma dumping on you: If you’re feeling dismissed or like your relationship is one-sided with someone, you can approach the topic by saying: Not all trauma dumping looks identical because it can stem from a variety of reasons. According to ScienceDaily, researchers found that the risk of oversharing in conversation increases as people age. Oversharing as a result of trauma refers to the tendency of individuals who have experienced traumatic events to share intimate details of their experiences with others.

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